Hi. I'm blogging here, prolly just for the sake of it. Well, maybe. I kept saying how I don't want my blog to be influenced by my sorrow and agony. Sounded a little extreme, but just in case. So right now, I'm here, hopefully trying at emitting these positive vibes that I'm creating. Life right now is humanly good. New job, new semester but, same boyfriend. No, don't take that wrong. I'm awesome-ly glad that he is still sticking around and I still enjoy his company. In fact, very much.
I feel like I need to get rid of these two big zits on my cheeks and life would be, perfect. Just kidding.
love for me.
There are days when I thought, screw you, screw all of you. I never want anyone to make an impact on my life anymore. Not being happy, nor sad. Clearly, I was wrong. No matter what you do, what your life is about, naturally people affects you. You promised yourself, you're no gonna let yourself stuck with this shit. You'll make sure, you'll freaking make sure that you will not land yourself in the load of crap. Until one day, one fine day, that you will meet someone. Someone who will change your views about everything, will change your personality, or even the smallest detail that you yourself don't acknowledge.
Say, you met this guy/girl. But for the past that happened, you tell yourself not to make that same mistake anymore. Not to let yourself get hurt. But unknowingly, everyone make that mistake.
of falling in love.
First, you'll be happy, for that is your honeymoon period. You smile, you make plans, you laugh, you practically had the time of your life. So, that one day, little by little, problems starts to build. Minor problems like movie shows to major problems like trusting issues and third party. You thought, that could be the end of it. But you don't realized, that's the start of a real relationship. Being in a happy relationship is easy. But standing by each other while having problems really depicts a true relationship. It's hard, of course. That's why people get out of them so easily. But, have you ever wonder about your future. Don't you look back on your past and wanting to re-living them again. It's sad how relationships end just like that.
Be patient. Not all time, relationships could be a happy thing. Just make sure you stand by them and telling yourself, everything would be all right. It sucks, but it's gonna be all right.
I'm not sure if I'm side-tracking but I, have my own relationship problem. We never had a case of third party in a relationship. But that's not the only problem that could wreck something you once build. It's not my fault, but it's not his fault too. All I want is for him to make me feel that I'm someone in his life. Not just by saying I am, but the little actions that he do. I know he love me, but there's always issues that made it to being so petty. I don't even know what I want. He said if he were to do this then I'll get mad, and if he were to do that, I'll get mad too. More helpless I will be.
He's the only person I want to share my happiness and sorrow. And if he's not there, who will? I feel so down right now, like deep down from the universe. I love him so much but are we the future of each others' lives? That's something not I, not him, not you will know. I wanna fight for this relationship, but am I worthy of him? It's so common of me to have tears in front of him. So much that it might meant nothing for him. But for me? I told myself, no more tears. So I didn't cry. For a lot of times, I kept these tears to myself. Unfortunately, it started to build up. Slowly, my heart is carrying all the sorrows that I hid behind the smiles. And now, I'm letting go. I tried being a strong girl. I tried to be the best at everyone's eye. But clearly, I failed. I don't even know what to do anymore. No one can give me advice, no one will listen. No one.
But me.